I think it’s time..
I’m pretty sure I should stop trying and leave things be. I’m pretty sure everything would feel worse for me but better for everyone else. I’m pretty sure you don’t feel what I feel for you, and if you so it’s for someone else. Well I would say she won but this was never a competition, yet a matter of “only time will tell” and time has sure spoken. I’ve chosen over and over to let that ticking of that clock to merily sound like a pin falling on the floor but now it sounds as a church bell. Fine, I finally hear it and will stop…yet my feeling never will. All I can do is hope for the best for you because I want nothing more but so.
Sometimes I just don’t know.
I hate those moments when I try to make something right then fail and feel like a fool. Those days when I think about times that are gone but yet make me feel sure that it’ll get better. The days when I just sit around and think maybe just maybe. But then reality slaps me straight in the face and tells me thoughts are not reality anymore but merely memories and thats all they will be and makes me feel and think that nothing will change or if it does you wont be there. I try and try to ingore the slaps but no they still hurt. So until the day comes where you leave me be or make things right, I’m going to do what I know how to best. I’m going to me. Pray. And stay positive, because when you stay positive nothing can bring you down.
Realization
Do you know those nights where you just cant sleep, those nights i just angrly toss and turn trying to get to sleep. Tonight is different as I lay here with tears running down my face I’m taking time to realize things I should’ve realized long ago. As years have gone by I’ve dealt with people talking down to me and just ignoring it as if nothing and I’ve dumbed myself down from what I am actually capable of. For years I’ve been afraid of people judging me for what I look like, how smart I really am, who my friends are, and being bullied.. Thinking about these things and having been talked to by my mom, I’m begin to realize that by dumbing myself down and ignoring the fact that I’m being bullied even now is not solving a single thing! Over these years that I have stooped to such a pathetic level, I’ve just helped those people, who look down on me and bully me, put me even more low than they ever did. In the saying “you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink” I have been the stubborn ass horse who didnt realize that my true friends and family were there to help me but I’ve been to busy being “afraid” and throwing myself a damn pitty party. But as I lay here writing this I am making the choice to move forward and stop being so egocentric and ‘conquer the world’. Now with my tears all gone and a bold smile on my face I’m going to be a changed person who ISN’T afraid, who ISN’T dumb, who WILL stick up for herself, who WILL be successful and make it in this world.
